omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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