i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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