We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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