RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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