this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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