there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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