Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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