the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize