And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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