Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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