Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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