My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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