I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize