I CAN MOONWALK!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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