were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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