So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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