You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
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Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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