I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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