any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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