I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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