he shaved USA in his pubs
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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