Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize