I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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