It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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