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Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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