i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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