I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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