I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize