Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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