I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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