1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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