The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize