nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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