got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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