Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize