If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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