my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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