My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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