Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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