she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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