Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize