Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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