forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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