dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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