You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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