My liver just broke up with me...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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