the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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