Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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