Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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