you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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